29.7.06
srry i dunno how to translate this in chinese. i threw away my first ever soccer boots todae. was kinda sad. memories flooded back. i rem the first ever goal i ever scored with it. it was on teachers' dae celebrations and was an inter-class tourment. haha. was kinda long cos i was in sec 3 dat time. almost 2 years. but one must be forward looking. i look forward to my new boots. hopefully i will score more with them. i oso realise todae that one cannot have everything in life. u will get some, and u will lose some. most impt is to be happy. oh ya. srry ys i kope ur bus pass todae!
i'll be waiting...
8:18 pm
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28.7.06
华文
突然想起这个博客网站是属于华文的。 昨天,我对自己说,我再也不会为了一位不值得我掉泪的人而掉任何一滴眼泪。今天,我又对自己说,不管我有多狼狈,不管我有多参, 不管我有多寂寞, 我也不会表露出来。因为我不需要任何人的半点同情。不像有些人,会装可怜,拨同情。我会一直等待。等到死心为止。
10:19 pm
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26.7.06
normal
nth much to update todae. jus normal stuff happen. shan't blog much.
10:29 pm
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25.7.06
ok sorry. jus now forget to mention that ep is now offically the captain of NJC soccer team. well done mate. congrats. hope u can lead ur team to glory next yr during the competition. rem to beat the hell out of the rest of the teams esp 'u knw wad' sch.i'm amazed by how can someone be so fake??? jus display wad u think. no need to be a faker. no prizes for gd fake rite. serious i think tat's pathetic. sianzzzzzzzz man
11:36 pm
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i din realise tat my blog was that 'hot'? seriously, if not for zl and qx for making my counter at my blog possible, i will be in the dark abt how many ppl actually visited my blog. i shld feel honoured? i dunno. so many ppl actually visited it and din bother to leave a simple msg that u were there. but nvm la, there's nth much i can do oso. maybe a blog is not so gd as it seems to be after all. a diary is certainly better...
9:28 pm
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24.7.06
ok enough of football. my ankle is killin me and my heart too. if fate really wans u to die, there's nth u can do to stop him. if he wans u to live, u have to accept it too. so i think i won't be doin anything abt it. ok la. i admit that i'm scared. but who won't be. it's kinda weird. the pain jus comes and goes. i think it's best not to waste any more time. cos one will nv ever know how long more they can live. cherish everydae. i think i will feel lucky if i can get to see the sunshine every mornin, cos it means i have survived another day.
8:18 pm
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depressed...
i am very very sad todae. i reflected on my performance ytd and i will always rem it as one of the worst. even though it was onli a short period of time, i realise that i'm no longer the player i used to be. to the hell with composure, to the hell with being versatile. i no longer had the qualities that once made me one of the better players and dominate the match. i lost all my touches. i lost all my finishing coolness. i hit the stupid blue 'pole' a total of 4 times while i was clean through. and besides, i'm givin away possession too cheaply. ok, i wasn't really that fit in the past but now it seems to get worse. jus five mins and my heart is hurting like hell. where is the player that was once branded 'smith' or as earnest sae 'saha'. i dun really deserved anyone callin me smith anymore. i think it's an insult to alan smith, who is goin to return to his roots as a striker next season. members of the dream team is getting better and better and yet i fallin behind. ys is improving on his skills and yz is improvin on his fitness level and close control. and wad abt me? i am now the weakest link. as a striker, i cannot put away chances anymore. as a dm or last man, i cannot put accurate crosses and make those defence splitting passes i once used to. i can no longer win the ball anymore, not to mention anything. i am no longer compose. i panic whn i get the ball. sth which i had nv experience before. but end of the dae, sh is rite. i can choose the way i wan to go and i'm confirm not goin to go down without a fight. i am goin to improve and come back stronger as a player!!!
7:59 pm
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23.7.06
for now, i dun wan to engage in arguments anymore. u can sae wadever u like to me. all i hope now is that i the dae will come sooner where u will come tok to me again. but if cannot there's oso nth i can do.
7:31 pm
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i think i almost died todae. my heart hurts so bad. onli after 5 mins, i felt that my heart was kinda burning like hell. but i tried to continue. a while later, someone knocked me off my feet and knocked the wind out from me.at that moment, i tot i was dead. not onli my ankle was hurting, my heart was in so much pain. i went to the washroom and vomitted out some black stuff. it is super disgusting. wad is happening to me? am i dying? and i realised that i lost 100% of my stamina alr. i'm no longer able to make vital stops and tackles like before. but nvm abt that. i dun wan to die so young and with so many things i haven do yet. even after i rest, my heart continued to hurt. it is pounding like hell and i tot it was goin to burst. i think i can feel that my time is getting shorter and shorter. cos it is alr not the first time i experience such stuff. for the past week, the pain has been on and off on and off. haiz.
4:25 pm
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22.7.06
wah piang. this is getting out of hand. i dun wish to explain much. cos it will onli make things worse. all i can sae is that i really made a point to save the frendship. both of them. u may not believe it but i really persuade him to forget everything and be frends again. and i think it is very childish to use the word 'enemies' at this age alr. another thing. how does it concern u abt the matters btw the both of us? do u know everything??? ok lor maybe she really got tell u or wadever. forget it la. i'm very sick and tired of everything. i know and i realised i was in the wrong. i made a point to try to put things rite.
算了啦。清者自清。 for those who dun understand that phrase, it means that the truth will speak for the innocence.
8:53 pm
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sleepless nights
been feeling sick the past 2 days. most likely is not slping well. i oso dunno wad else more i can do than to wait. wait for wad i oso dunno. maybe as sh says, sumtimes in life it's all abt must let go, not have to a not. ok cut the crap. it's been a cold war these two days as well. sumtimes u dunno if a person is there to help u or to rub salt on the wound. i am not sure abt his intentions, but u certainly made things worse. ok i accept it. fine. feel so sick cos i'm really very tired alr, but yet i dun wan to go slp b4 she goes off. i feel so stupid saying these out. but i guess can't be helped. i alr did my utmost best. i really tried. and i'm very very tired alr. maybe u are tired of listenin to my crap. thanx sr, joc, zh,ep and sh for being with me all these while. u guys simply were fanstastic. thank you u all so much.
12:24 am
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19.7.06
a true warrior does not run away frm a fight. i have a feeling tml is goin to be a rough dae for me w/o zl around. but i'm determined to survive. as the going gets tough, the tough gets goin. i have to fight on, maybe alone tml. i ate the humble pie todae. it doesn't taste good at all. but i've no choice.
7:49 pm
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jocelyn is a good listener. thanx hor. din expected of all ppl, u were the first to hear face to face. ur advice helps i guess. slow and steady is the way. but enough of that la. i think had a war on msn jus now cos i blew my top. hope things will turn out fine. that's the way i am, if i'm angry i get real angry, but afterwards i ok alr. whn i accept it la. i think i really acceptted lots of stuff todae. whn the goin gets tough, the tough gets goin. sth which have to rem. and the dream team do not quit. oh ya. have to chiong for promos liao. let's do it together ya joc? trash the shit out of the papers with help frm alan.
12:12 am
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18.7.06
slp barely 2 hrs last night. but surprising not tired todae. am i turnin into superman??? lols. i really hoped i was. thn i no nid to take such stuff into my stride. i dunno how long i can carry on lidat. i wan to get out. dunno how to face it.it was one of the worst days in my life. and i sort of couldn't breathe during gp lesson todae. ms leong is really a nice teacher. though u din sae much to me, i thank you for ur advice. sumtimes u really need to hide ur true feelings in order to protect urself. think i did a pretty good job hiding mine todae except during maths. my heart is sort of bleeding but who will care? nvm shan't blog anymore. goin to study with jocelyn later. maybe after dat thn continue...
i've tried
5:29 pm
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17.7.06
u alr have some other program. i finally knew wad they are. thanx a bunch ok
8:21 pm
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i tried alr. it was one of the best efforts alr. but it's useless. nvm lor. let it be. i dunno wad i can do anymore. i maybe more than a jerk dat time. maybe it's too late now. there's alr nth much i can do alr. or rather i oso dunno wad to do anymore. tired alr. shan't blog anymore.
7:45 pm
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thanx ep. i know u have sch todae and yet u counselled me late last night. u were right i guess. sumtimes i oso dunno wad the hell i'm thinkin of. i mean u were right abt myself not askin too many questions cos it will make one get f up. but's it hard to try u know. i dunno how and where u got those courage to do everything. but it's hard and i admire u for dat. i've tried. i really have. outcome still unknown.
1:09 pm
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16.7.06
ps kings
i dunno wad to sae. it's not tat i'm not free todae to go to jy bdae lunch. in fact i'm super free. jus dat i'm tired these few days. actually wanted to go soccer and vent out all my frustions for the week. but somehow it din happened. i dun blame u guys. it's hard to keep soccer-ing these days cos u all are busy. but sorry ya. i ps u all jus like u all ps me for soccer. so no hard feelings ok team. i'm really tired. i dunno wad to sae anymore.
1:57 pm
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i really wan to know wad u mean thn.. dat is provided u are willing to sae..
12:45 am
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15.7.06
stupid
felt bad the whole of todae for making u sad. in the end found out don't have to.whn i tried to explain to u, u told me it's not goin to make a diff whether u understand or not. but i was really feeling bad cos for some reasons or another, i made u cry again. thn todae, u sort of told me, hey look, i alr have two gd frends by my side. with u here or not is not goin to make a diff. so, was it really my fault for u crying? i dunno wad is goin thru ur head. i wanted to patch things up. but this is wad i get for trying. forget it la. maybe i'm not as impt to u as i tot i was. i seriously think i dun have the ability to make u cry oso. i'm jus a small fry rite. and u got all the big fishes around u. maybe to u, i'm jus a surplus. whn u need me, i'll be here. whn u dun, i'll oso be here jus dat u will not see me. or u might even not bother abt it.
11:17 pm
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Questions
lots of questions going thru my head now. most likely because of wad happened ytd. confused and vexed. i dunno why u will suddenly sae such things. dun u think it's a little too late? for weeks we have not spoken a word. and all of a sudden i feel like i was the one who was at fault. how am i supposed to start a conversation whn i know u are always busy either playing ur games with ur 'frends' and or tokin to them? i always tried to stay up late after u went offline. and for wad reason i oso dunno. maybe was still harbouring some thought of speaking to u. but whn u din, i tot we were finished? and thn suddenly u were like saying u cared all along but jus dunno how to show it? and i really dun feel ur 'care'? ok u might sae that i'm sarcastic but i will rather be an asshole and be hatred by everyone than be a hypocrite and pretend nth has happened? wad happened actually i oso dunno. maybe i forgot and issn't that good? it will be stupid to sae tat let's move on and forget everything abt the past cos defintely it is goin to leave a scar no matter how minor it is. u sae u were not exactly happy all these while but frm wad i see it's definetly not the case? u will be sayin that again i assumed, but wad am i supposed to think? u were having so much fun hanging out and enjoying urself, that u most probably forgotten all abt me. that is wad i see. it may not be a long time but i assure u that i was no less being unhappy than u are. or maybe i dunno la. u dun have to be sorry. it's my fault that i dun know how to hide my feelings. whn sth happened, it really did. i dun run away frm it and pretend nth has happen. i face it like a man. jus like the time whn i was kicked out, i admit it. i was a bit dulan at first but i come to accept it in the end and nv bothered u all again. i'm sorry that i made u cry, but whn u sae u dunno wad is goin thru my head, i felt the same way too. i dunno wad is goin thru ur head oso. and i learnt not to ask too many questions in case ppl get sick and tired of them
12:51 pm
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13.7.06
re-ignite the flames
Winning is Nice, Victory is Sweet, Treasure the Feelings(extracted and improved frm somewhere) haha. this are the true feelings i'm feeling rite now! todae during lunch ppl jio me go play tt at the canteen there. wah piang. such a long time nv play liao. i tot i won't miss it at all. but i was wrong. i totally missed the feeling of WINNING! the feeling is jus so cool. i know ppl like to sae
友情第一,比赛第二。 but that is bullshit la. the sense of winning is jus so fantastic. u forget everything in dat split second. it sort of re-ignite the sense of winning that used to follow me whn i was in nh volleyball court, where the dream team rarely loses to any teams. although i may have hurt my ankle again in the process, i have no regrets for it at all. cos i alr know that the flame is back! and it's here to stay!
11:41 pm
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12.7.06
it's been some time since i updated. went for some stupid pacers rep thing and it was totally stupid. total crap. ms leong is a good teacher. she din force me to go home to retrive my file whn i din bring it todae. heng. ya. and realised that i took a lot of stuff for granted, esp sec and pri sch frends. jus realised that siyu is in rjc. not bad sia. so smart. lols. jc life sucks with most of the ppl onli caring abt themselves. dun wan to mention names but it's really every man for himself. i'm sorry to sae this cos i think i really have some superb frends in ijc now and i'm still having this kinda feelings. that is because i really tot i had 'superb' frends in the past and i was proven wrong. can't really trust anyone nowadays in this society if u wanna survive. seriously, will u ever walk over and talk to me if u din have anything u desperately need frm me? i seriously doubt it.
10:50 pm
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陌生人
如果一个人没有有求于你,他是永远都不会和你有半点交谈。我宁可做个真小人, 也不要做个伪君子.
10:43 pm
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9.7.06
It's a beautiful game
it is indeed a beautiful game. esp whn u guess the score correctly and win money. thanx to ep, i pick the score and pick correctly. toast to brian miller. 3-1 in favour to the germans and ep and i are laughing all the way to singapore pools. went to play soccer todae. u have to learn to enjoy ur game seriously. even whn u are playing in pain and not at the best form. as long as u keep trying and nv let ur head drop, u are bound to break ur duck. mistakes are inevitable, so we must try to learn frm them and not dwell upon it. move on!!! haha. sounds chim. went to novena after dat for the addidas warehouse. found dat it's practically empty??? not to mention the posters i wan to find? it's kinda sad cos i alr promise to find it and it's not easy getting my hands on them. but a promise is a promise. i will try my best to get it for u!!! btw jus arranged with alan todae and i will be havin tuition with him on wed as long as my grades do not impove. he sounds cool and i look forward to learning frm him. went for mac and oh ya. forgot to treat ys. next week thn. will be having oral this week so all the best to me. btw world cup finals in jus a few hours time. oh man so excited!!! ITALY VS FRANCE!!! who's goin to lift the biggest trophy this time? hope will be france. fingers crossed!
9:40 pm
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8.7.06
results are out
yea. results are kns(short for ka na sai) i don think i pass any of my h2 subjects. worst, they are grade u somemore. aiyo. wtf man. except chinese which i din do too badly. well still got econs and gp haven know yet. but should be gone case oso one. suppose to do some studyin todae but dunno what the hell i'm doin here. btw, germany and portgual tonight. pity michael ballack is not goin to play. but shld be able to win w/o him oso. klose shld be the top goalscorer la.
12:28 pm
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6.7.06
confirmed
it's offical. i will be no. 13 of Dream Team for our new kit(unless someone frm the team seriously mount a challenge for the no.) haha. there are 2 reasons why i took this no. u will have to guess for urself why. another thing confirmed will be italy and france will be kickin a golden ball for the finals this mon. the world will be watching the match i think. whether u are or not a soccer fan u shld be catchin the game. ok i know it's at 2.00am in the morning and ppl still have to go to work and sch the next dae but come on, it's onli once every 4 yrs! besides i seriously think our sch stinks. jj can report for lessons on mon at 10. some other schs even declared it their polling sch holidae. but innova jc? din even do anything abt it. worst of all, tml most students in s'pore are goin on a half dae for dunno wad reason but the sch din even mention a shit abt it. as a result, my plans are thrawted! hate it man!!! Arrrh. nvm, i was exceptionally happy last night. wan to know why? haha. u will have to find out urself. lol
ps: michael ballack is not michael 'by luck' and he's gd! cheesecake is nice oso!!!
8:56 pm
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3.7.06
end of hols
shld i sae tml is the offical start of term 3? cos last week is mainly for tests. thn no lessons or tutorials. tml will follow the normal time table again. goin to be hectic once more. jc life really stinks! like will not get much chance to see the sunshine in ur hse once sch starts. must work really hard this term cos i sux at the summer tests. which can sae i sort of deserved it? spent far too much time spending them worrying abt stuff that are beyond my reach as well as my stupid ankle. it's starting to hurt again after the match on sun? did i hurt it again? i not sure myself. well of course there is still the world cup. haiz. life in jc really sucks! 6 months for those 1st intakes and 3 months for me. still got one and a half year to go= 18 months. how nice???
11:29 pm
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2.7.06
领悟
在这个世界里,不会说少了一个人,地球就不会再转。大家不要把自己看得太重要,因为到头来会发现其实,自己很渺小。
还有,曾经听过别人说,要恨一个人需要很大的力气。所以会变得很累很累。其实,恨一个人真的真得很好费力气。我也不想再继续恨下去了。但是,说得容易,做的难。 很多事都要看缘分。或许,我们大家的缘分已经到了终点了。朋友,应该也没得做了吧。谁都没有错。 错就错再天时,地里,仁和。 也可以称为缘分吧。
6:50 pm
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world cup
sad. my two fav teams are out alr. england are out. rooney!!! it's all ur fault. u shld have walked away!!! why argue??? lol. and against all odds, brazil are out! wth? nvm. now left all european teams. germany, italy, france and portugal. shld be exciting? but ok enough of world cup updates. went for soccer todae. almost a full squad frm the dream team except ep. well not to mention that they were late. lols. but i think i played like shit todae. 'i sae' brought his team over to challenge. pretty strong. we lost more than win. i was giving the ball away too often. low confidence. haiz. and the mistakes i made proved to be costly. i was made to pay for them. after dat went to west mall to eat. thn played a stupid aracade game which must point out the 5 differences btw two pictures. bit lame but enconomic.
haha... btw, 6, 11, 18 are nice numbers. lols.
5:48 pm
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